About me, rocks and why this blog will never make sense.

Well, let’s begin.

I think we should probably consider this as a sort of ‘about me’, but the first thing that you should probably understand about me is that I don’t think you can sum up human beings in an ‘about me’ section. Alas, if you feel you can adequately sum yourself up in one, then, well done! You’ve evolved to the level of a rock. A rock that can declare that it is a sentient being. ‘I AM A SENTIENT BEING!’ it declares, and nothing more. You are fully aware that you are alive, much like the rock. Hell, you may be able to tell me that you’re a rock, that you are grey and that you are a big fan of lolcats and Justin Bieber. But if that’s the case I feel for you. It must be horrible. Maybe I will comfort you in your simpleness.

‘I AM A SENTIENT BEING!’ you declare, and I no longer feel sad because you are obviously happy being what you’re being.

Right, my about me section isn’t going so well. I’ve made assumptions about the people who may be on the internet, yet I haven’t told you what I’m like.

Well, I’m a writer and stand-up comedian. My hobbies include small fires. Not starting fires, just small fires. There’s nothing more fun than finding small fires hidden about the house.

Anyway, this is what I mostly write:

Rover, Come Back!

My dog got happy today.

            He wagged his tail and barked with excitement. For a while this amused me, the jovial nature of my dog brought warmth to my soul. But suddenly his tail turned from a vigorous side-to-side wag into a whirling, circular motion. Rover took off from the hind quarters with a lack of direction.

            I chased for while, shouting, ‘Rover, come back!’

            But he never did. Instead he floated on, over the garden fences, and beyond the horizon.

He disappeared into the distance with his tail wagging, having never looked happier.

I am not widely published, although I do alright.

I plan on updating this every Monday and Friday, because I don’t do anything without deadlines, and you can expect rambling, bloated sentences and that’s about it. Occasionally I try to write poignant stuff, but it often comes out all wrong and it won’t wash out of wool.

Next: A mission statement, a parakeet, and a blog post that doesn't sound like shouting.

Ciao, for now,

John